1. My Near Death Experience - Carols' Life

This is the first post about my life. This is my Near Death Experience - Carol's Life.

This happened in October 1988. This will be the longest blog post.

I was floating up into spectacular, dark blue outer space. I was standing still, looking up and zooming very quickly straight up. I knew exactly where I was going. I was so relaxed and calm and watching space all around me that looked like the Hubble Telescope images you see online. Beautiful galaxies with all different colors, formations and stars. I was just enjoying all this beauty as I went up like superman in a movie except my arms were down by my sides.

I had no awareness of temperature or needing to breathe, and I felt no wind on my skin or blowing my hair. I was just perfectly comfortable and warm and so amazed at all the beauty around me.  After a little time passed, I could see a tiny speck of white light far off above me in space.  I continued going up, up, up and soon the speck of white light was growing brighter and bigger as I got closer. It expanded into a tunnel about 20' around as I slowed and floated right into it. The light was so bright and pure, but it didn't hurt my eyes like light can here on earth. I felt such an unbearable longing for this place. I was excited and filled with joy to be there getting closer to my destination. 

I felt as though I was slowing down and was now floating forward slowly like being on one of those belts that move at the airport. I could see the end of the tunnel ahead of me and sunshine and treetops in the distance. Then I floated out of the tunnel into an open area going through a grassy meadow. Beyond were rolling hills of beautiful green grass and wildflowers and trees as far as the eye can see. There was a fence going straight across from left to right about 50' away with a long gate that was straight ahead of me. There were tall trees all along the right side and a little way behind the gate and there was a crowd of people standing on the other side of the gate. There were maybe 100 people just standing quietly watching me. I couldn't make out their faces, but I could feel in my being that they were my friends and family, and I was home. I was filled with excitement and peace and contentment. I felt such a strong connection to all of them. 

There were adults, children, dogs, cats and even one person who was holding a balloon on a ribbon. It stayed up like it was filled with helium! I was finally home where I belonged. And then suddenly, I stopped. There had been some movement to my left, so I looked to the left to see what it was. There was a big angel in a golden and white, long flowing gown and he was looking at me. He was about 20' tall and seemed to float about 5' above the ground. His gown seemed silky and was moving a little as if a light breeze was blowing on him. There was shiny gold around his waist and neckline, and he was very beautiful and strong. He had shoulder length brown hair and eyes that seemed to almost glow as he looked at me with a sad, but loving gaze.

He spoke to me with a clear, strong voice, but his mouth did not move. "My child, I am sorry, but it is not your time," he said. "You must go back." I had no memory of what I had just left behind. I only knew I had been away a long time and had just arrived home. I couldn't comprehend what he meant. I felt devastated. Completely heartbroken. Then he raised his right arm and pointed back behind me as images of my life appeared before me like a big slide show. Each image was about 3' square and appeared to my right and floated across in front of me toward the angel and then disappeared. There were about 10 images that appeared about 6 feet apart and floated in the same manner to remind me of my life I had forgotten. Images of my sons Chris and Andy who were now 4 years old and 5 months old and all three of us together.

Then the angel said, "Your boys need you. They will not survive without you. You have much left to do." When I saw the images, all my memories came flooding back and I felt protective and determined to go back and finish my life. My sadness was gone. I told the angel, "Thank you," and started to turn to my right to go back and suddenly all the people behind the gate began calling out to me! Some jumped up and down and they looked very happy and excited! Then I realized why they had been there. They knew I would only be there for a few minutes, and they were waiting to be able to say something and encourage me before I went back. So many voices, but somehow, I could hear each one clearly and at the perfect volume all at once. They said, "We love you! We'll see you soon! Keep working hard!" They all said so many kind things and I felt so much love and devotion from them! I waved goodbye and smiled and then I went back through the beautiful meadow toward the center of the opening of the tunnel of white light. 

I floated at first and then back to zooming down quickly as I exited the tunnel into dark, twinkling space again. There was no fear or worry. I was again enjoying the beauty all around me and not wanting to miss anything! It was the exact same, but in reverse of when I had arrived. I knew I was going back to my home where the boys were, and I didn't think about getting there-it was all automatic. Then I could see beautiful Earth, the Sun and Mars. As I got closer to Earth, I could see clouds and oceans and the land within the ocean. Then I saw North America and the countryside I knew in California, then Lompoc and then our house at 214 N F Street. 

I could see the roof of the house and then quickly I was back into my body again. I was still lying on the kitchen floor on my back. Going back into my body was like slamming into a brick wall! It was such excruciating pain and weight crushing me when I had just been perfectly warm and comfortable. I gasped to breathe and felt his hands still clenched around my throat a little, but he was beginning to stop. When he saw my eyes open, he looked shocked and turned white as a sheet and jumped back away from me! I knew I had been dead. I also knew that he knew I had been dead and now I WAS BACK! And I was pissed! I was coughing and choking and started to get up. He just leaned against the counter behind him, staring with white eyed disbelief. I glared at him like he better not ever touch me again! 

My panic and fear were gone. I got up slowly and walked to the boys' room and checked on them. I didn't say anything to David after that and I knew I was forever changed. I knew our lives were meant to be something better, something bigger than the isolated hell we had been living in. I knew I was in control of my life now for the first time in many years and all I had to do was plan, prepare and work hard and we would be okay. I could feel my life shifting, things were realigning and being corrected. The impossible, crooked mess that my life had been, was now being made straight.  

Less than a week later, I escaped to a shelter for battered women. I didn't know they even existed before. There was no internet or cell phones back then, so people were far more isolated. After 5 years of daily violent abuse and threats of murdering my entire extended family if I ever tried to leave, I was finally free! Both my boys were alive! My prayers finally answered! I knew our time would come if I just believed! I was taken to the courthouse in Santa Maria a few days later by the people running the shelter. They helped me get my first restraining order. The golden key to the door of escape! I also filed for custody of Chris and Andy and about a week later, I had them both safely in my arms!

The long road of recovery, relocation, therapy, and learning how to live again...now with the warm sun on our faces. My bloody head wounds finally all healing. My hair grew back. I had forgotten so many simple joys! Gradually becoming less jumpy, less terrified, and more alive in our new world. Our days became increasingly filled with laughter, walks to the nearby park, and normal things a person hiding in the dark could never know. 

This experience and its lasting effect can only be understood by reading my blog and learning the story of our lives before, during, and long after. We learned how to share love, gratitude and growing intuition with those who seek it. Follow...bring your faith and hunger and grow. If you seek your own path to the inner and external mysteries of life-just follow. Let your own guardian angels speak to you in prayer, dreams and meditation. And in everyday moments when they will be there for you.  Carol

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